Too Much Rum
by Dont.Open.That.Door
Summary: Jack drinks too much one night, and wakes up to find himself slap bang in the middle of another story with some random book characters...not sure where this idea came from, but please R&R!
1. The whole shebang begins

This is set a few months after DMC- imagining that the whole thing with Barbossa and Tia Dalma didn't happen at the end. Just imagine that Jack was miraculously rescued somehow. I basically wanted to see what happened when he's thrown in with some of my other favourite and least favourite book characters. Hope you enjoy it- please review it!

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Jack Sparrow woke suddenly as a bright light shone in his eyes, blinding him.

"Whoa, stoppit..." he grumbled, holding up a hand.

"Jack Sparrow?"

Jack rolled his eyes. These people would never learn. "_Captain _Jack Sparrow!"

"Yeah, whatever," the voice said. "Mr Sparrow, by the order of the King Philius, you must come with me."

"It may have escaped your notice," Jack said. "But we happen to be on a ship. My ship. I only have to click my fingers and my crew will beat the Jesus out of you. So, I'd appreciate it if you would leave me to sleep, savvy?"

A sigh could be heard. "Very well. The others didn't agree either. You will now be subjected to the wrath of the Minotaur. Who will you take with you?"

Jack groaned. Too much rum again.

"I dunno..." he said, burying his head in his pillow.

"You must choose someone," the voice said, sounding impatient. "Pick a name, any name."

"Will Turner..." Jack yawned, saying the first name that came into his head. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a hangover to sleep through."

With that, he fell asleep.

Will Turner admired his handiwork.

"Beautiful," he said to himself, gently stroking the hilt of the sword. "Best I've done yet."

He looked outside, seeing the dark sky, and sighed. "Time for bed, I guess. Don't want to be late tomorrow."

Tomorrow. His stomach went into butterflies at the thought of it. Tomorrow was his wedding to the beautiful Elizabeth Swann.

As he put his hammer back into the stand, he felt an odd pulling sensation, as if someone had grasped him around the waist and was trying to force him through a wall. Ignoring it, he headed up the stairs. He felt it again.

"What the hell-"

Will Turner didn't even have a chance to make a noise before he was dragged into a pitch-black abyss which appeared in the middle of the air, disappearing as soon as it had swallowed up the young man.


	2. In which Jack finds there is no rum

ill woke suddenly to find that he was not alone.

"What...where am I?" he stuttered, terrified to wake up in the middle of a large corridor with strangers.

"That's what we'd all like to know," said a young woman, dressed in black robes marked with strange symbols.

"Glitch in one of McGonagall's spells, I'd say," said a teenage girl with flame-red hair and a freckled face. "Not usual for her, but possible."

The boy next to her, a tall lad with floppy black hair and glasses, frowned. "Doubt it. What type of dragon is that, anyway?"

Will turned to find himself face to...well, foot, with an extremely tall blue dragon. He looked up at it, turned white, and tried to stop himself passing out.

"Her name's Saphira," said another boy, looking a little older than the other. "I'm Eragon."

"Sonea," said the young woman, standing up. "Black Magician of the Magician's Guild."

"You can do magic?" said the red-haired girl, looking interested.

"Yes," said Sonea.

"So can we," said the boy with glasses. "Haven't heard of a Magician's Guild, though."

"Oh yes?" said Sonea. "So where do you train?"

"Well, it's not exactly training," said the girl. "We learn about magic at Hogwarts. Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

Sonea raised her eyebrows. "No schools were I come from," she said. She turned to Will. "And you? Where are you from?"

Will looked at her. "I'm Will Turner," he said, a little cautiously. "I'm from Port Royal."

"And your friend? Where's he from?"

Will looked confused. "I don't..."

Sonea pointed. Will turned to see a sleeping Jack.

"Oh, great," Will muttered. He poked Jack. "He's called Jack Sparrow," he said.

"Captain Jack Sparrow!" Jack snapped, swatting Will's hand away from him. Then, on seeing Will, sat up.

"Will!" he said. "Was that you with the light? Not a good trick to play on a man, William."

"I didn't play any trick!" Will said. "I have no idea what's going on!"

"So who are you?"

Jack looked up to see the odd variety of people before him. "Oh, great," he said. "I get rescued from the Kraken for this?"

"He's a pirate," Will answered for him. "Captain of the Black Pearl."

"Pirate?" the young girl raised her eyebrows. "Right..."

"Harry Potter," said the boy with the glasses. "And this is Ginny Weasley..."

"I can introduce myself, Potter!" she snapped at him.

"You two know each other?" Eragon said.

Ginny nodded. "Sometimes unfortunately," she muttered.

"That's odd," said Eragon, looking round. "Looks like everyone here's with someone they know, except you." He pointed at Sonea.

Sonea looked at him warily. "I am with someone I know," she said, placing a protective hand over her stomach.

"Great, that's all we need," Jack muttered. "A bloody pregnant woman. They're even worse than the normal ones."

Sonea glared at him, then looked at him more closely, a sad expression on her face. "Do I know you?" she asked.

Jack raised an eyebrow. "Believe me, if you knew me you'd remember me, darling," he said. Will snorted.

"It's just...you remind me of someone I knew," she said.

"Is that so?" said Jack, sounding not-very-interested. He twisted to look at Eragon, who was standing behind him, and caught sight of Saphira- which shut him up for a few minutes.

"People, this is not solving the problem of where we are," Harry said, looking around at the stone walls and sand floor, flecked with something red.

Ginny caught sight of markings on the wall and looked closer at them, reading the letters scratched in. "Beware of...the...Minotaur..."

"Minotaur?" Jack said. "That another of Davy Jones' creatures?"

Eragon gave him a strange look. "Can't be any worse than the Ra'zac," he said to Saphira.

"Can...she talk?" Will said in a strangled voice.

Eragon stared at him. "Only to me," he said eventually. "It's the same with all Dragon Riders. Don't you have them where you come from?"

Everyone shook their heads.

"The Minotaur?" said Harry, sounding a little scared. "From Greek times?"

Ginny nodded. "Apparently so," she said. Seeing that no-one else but Harry and herself seemed to know what they were talking about, she sighed.

"The Minotaur is a legendary creature," she said. "From ancient times. Greek times. It was kept under a castle in a labyrinth- a maze- by King Philius, who was the creature's father. Every month, about ten people were put into the labyrinth to feed the Minotaur."

"I can't be eaten!" Will protested. "I'm getting married tomorrow!"

Harry sighed. "How long would it take to kill some beast?" he said, sounding tired. "We've got magic...and other stuff. What can you lot all do, anyway?"

Eragon patted Saphira. "Saphira and I can do all sorts," he said, sounding proud. "Fly, fight, use magic."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Don't get too cocky, son," he said.

"Well...I'm just good at sword fighting," Will said, a little uneasily.

"Same," said Jack. "And that's not all. I'm very good at controlling ships. And escaping ugly big sea monsters with tentacles."

"Good," Ginny muttered. "That'll be useful."

"Oh, and I can drink a gallon of rum in a minute."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "And you? What can you do?"

Sonea looked up at her. "Black magic," she said.

"Black magic?" said Harry disbelievingly. "There's no such thing."

Sonea glared at him. "You don't know the power of it," she hissed. "By making one cut, I can kill someone, and gain their power."

Ginny elbowed Harry. "Wow," she said to Sonea. "That sounds...frightening..."

Sonea smiled at her. "Don't worry, it's only to be used on enemies," she said. "I have to be careful, anyway. Too much power could result in the baby being damaged."

Harry stood up proudly. "I'm a wizard," he said. "I can cast spells."

Ginny rolled her eyes again. "Harry, you're rubbish at magic," she said. "You spend all your lesson time mucking around with Ron."

Harry glared at her. "Well, I survived a death spell," he said. "Dumbledore said I was special."

"Harry, you have a strange prophecy thing in your name, which could have easily applied to Neville," Ginny said. "That does not make you special."

Harry shut up and sulked.

Jack, bored with the conversation, yawned and reached for a bottle of rum. Finding nothing but sand, he looked around furiously.

"Bloody hell, why is the rum always gone!"

Saphira snorted, accidentally shooting a flame out of her nose, which landed next to Jack's head. The enraged pirate got up and stamped off, muttering about rum and 'bloody great scaly creatures.'

"Interesting man, your friend," said Sonea, looking after Jack, who, on realising that there was nowhere to go but into a creepy looking black corridor, was stomping back.

"Not my friend," Will said defensively, remembering only too well the last time he had seen Jack, and what had happened then. He hadn't even been aware that Jack had been rescued from the Kraken. He guessed that he would have to ask him about it sometime. But for now, Will had to concentrate on getting back to Port Royal- and to Elizabeth.


	3. A monster, a girl and the finding of rum

Ciao again, sorry it's taken so long for this chapter. I half-own Ariadne in this chapter (if I got the name right) but no-one else. Sob sob...I wish I'd thought of them first...

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CHAPTER 3 

"So...Will?"

Will nodded at Ginny.

"You said you were getting married tomorrow. Who to?"

"She's called Elizabeth Swann," Will said, glancing at Jack, who was busy searching round the corners of the tunnel for a bottle of rum which he was sure that he had dropped.

"That's a strange name," said Sonea. Harry raised his eyebrows.

"Actually, Elizabeth is a pretty normal name," he said. "More common than Sonea, anyway."

Sonea glared at him. "Shut up."

Ginny elbowed him hard in the ribs. "Harry, shut it."

Jack finally gave up his search and sat down, an annoyed expression on his face.

"So, what are we going to do about this whole thing?" Eragon said, stroking Saphira's huge neck.

"I think we've got caught in a time warp or something," Ginny said, thinking. "So there should be some way to reverse it...any of you guys good at time spells?"

Sonea shrugged. "My magic's different from yours," she said. "I'm not going to be of any use unless we need healing, fighting or alchemy."

Jack brightened. "Gold?"

Sonea looked at him oddly. "Not that type of alchemy," she said. Jack looked annoyed again.

A faint roar was suddenly heard from somewhere in the tunnel, causing the walls to shake a little. Ginny looked frightened.

"Jesus, mate, can't you stop the snake from doing that?" Jack said to Eragon. Eragon looked offended.

"She's a dragon, not a snake!" he said. "And her name is Saphira."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Dragons don't have names," he said. "They're just a breed."

Saphira snorted fire at him, causing his robes to catch alight. Harry jumped up and, running around, attempted to put it out. Everyone else howled with laughter.

"I think that was the Minotaur," Ginny said, sounding worried. "It's hungry..."

"Too right it is!"

Everyone looked up at where the strange and slightly squeaky sounding voice had come from. From a grille above them, a small, grinning face looked down.

"Who are you?" Will asked.

"Ariadne," the girl said. "Not that it's any of your business."

Ginny thought for a minute. "Aren't you the one who's supposed to be helping us?"

Ariadne snorted. "No way," she said. "That's my brother down there."

"I can see the resemblance," Jack said, smiling innocently. Ariadne glared.

"Well, good luck to you lot," she said, deciding to ignore Jack's comment. "You're going to need it. My brother's very strong, you know."

Sonea stood up. "We have magic," she said defensively. "And...other stuff. That monster won't be anything compared to us."

Ariadne clapped her small hands. "Maybe, maybe not," she said. "That's why Daddy had you all brought here. He wanted to see if his precious Minotaur was strong enough to withstand people with other special advantages."

Will looked confused. "I don't have a special advantage..."

Jack smirked. "That's true," he said.

Ariadne tossed her hair back. "Anyway, I'll come back in a few hours. You should be finished off by then."

Harry, looking furious, grabbed something hard on the ground beside him and threw it at the grille. It missed. Ariadne, realising that she was under fire, disappeared from above.

"Ha-ha, rubbish shot," Eragon said quietly. Harry glared.

Jack nearly knocked Sonea over in his attempt to get to the object that Harry had thrown. "Rum!" he yelled, grabbing it and sounding delighted. Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Right...people, we still have a big ugly hungry beast to deal with."

Eragon shrugged. "Saphira'll take care of it," he said. "She's faced worse before."

"Well, matey," Jack said, taking a long swig from his bottle. "While you're sitting up there on her back, nice and cosy, we're going to be down here, within easy eating range. And, believe me, I've had enough of being eaten for now."

Will rolled his eyes. "Long story," he said to the others, who were all looking a bit confused.

Another roar shook through the tunnel, this time closer.

"Look, Eragon," Ginny said desperately. "Will we all be able to fit up there, on Saphira's back?"

Eragon shook his head. "She's only strong enough to hold three," he said.

Jack smiled. "Will, Ginny, Harry- it's been nice knowing you."

"What?" Harry protested. "Why do you and Sonea get to stay safe?"

"Because," Jack said. "Sonea happens to be carrying at the moment. And as for me, it would just be a waste of a lot of things if I were left down there, wouldn't it?"

"Look, that's not going to work," Ginny said. "We'll have to find some other way. Harry and I can block it for some time, but-"

The roars could be heard louder now, along with some faint, heavy footsteps.

"Swordfighting's not going to work," Will said. "From what you've said, this creature would kill me before I even had a chance to draw my blade."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Just get behind the snake and let it do it's fancy fire thing."

"She's not a snake!!!!!" Eragon yelled. Saphira, as if agreeing, roared.

"Uh oh," said Ginny, as a large, hairy creature burst into the tunnel they'd occupied for the last hour or so.

"It's the Minotaur!" yelled Harry. Sonea rolled her eyes.

"Understatement of the century."

"Everyone, do Jack's plan!" Eragon yelled as he jumped up onto Saphira.

Jack, yelling rather un-heroically, did so immediately. Followed by everyone else.

Saphira breathed a stream of fire at the Minotaur, which caught alight, roared, and ran off, heavy footsteps thudding.

"Wow," Ginny said, sounding impressed. "Saphira's really something, isn't she?"

Eragon looked proud and stroked his dragon's head. "She says thank you," he replied, smiling at Ginny. Harry looked annoyed as Ginny smiled back.

"That wasn't the last of it," Sonea said. "I have a feeling that it'll be back."

Jack yawned, took another swig of rum, then, on seeing the others' disgusted looks, innocently held it out.

"Anyone else want some?"

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Please review this story...it survives on your comments!!!!! 


	4. Splitting Up

Hey everyone, sorry it's taken me so long to update but I had some problems with my computer. Enjoy!

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**CHAPTER 4**

"No sign of the annoying kid then?"

Harry's moody voice broke the silence.

Eragon looked up and smirked. "He's right over there."

Harry looked behind him, then realised who Eragon meant and glared. Ginny snorted.

"You know, I don't feel comfortable about this whole thing," Sonea said. "There has to be more to it than some spoilt kid's entertainment."

Jack, asleep on the floor, mumbled something incoherent and rolled over.

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Would someone please take that bottle away from him?"

Will tentatively grabbed the bottle. Jack woke up straightaway.

"NO, NOT GOOD!" he yelled. Then, realising where he was, he smiled innocently at everyone else, snatched the bottle back and drank more.

Sonea looked disgusted. "Men."

Yawning, Eragon stood up. "Well, we're not going to get out of here by sitting here all day. I reckon we should go after the Beast."

Jack looked up at him, eyebrows raised. "I'm comfortable here."

Ginny rolled her eyes. "Eragon's right. We'll starve to death otherwise."

"Not necessarily," Jack said wisely. "We can always eat the snake."

Minutes later, holding the remains of a charred rum bottle and inspecting what had once been part of his hair, Jack sulkily walked along a tunnel, accompanied by an even less happy Harry, Will and Sonea.

"Why is the bloody rum always bloody gone..." he muttered.

Will rolled his eyes. "Maybe this is someone's way of telling you that it's time to change your ways."

Jack snorted. "Fat chance of that."

"Do you two always have to argue?" Sonea asked wearily. "I'm getting tired of it now."

"Sorry," Will muttered. Jack merely looked sadly at the remains of his rum.

"Bloody snake."

"Do you think the others will be OK?" Ginny said, sounding a little worried.

Eragon shrugged. "Sure they will."

Ginny looked at him. "How do you know?"

Eragon smiled. "Because we're going to find it first."

Ginny smiled back. _Wow, he's cute_, she thought.

Sonea was seriously considering killing the lot of her group when they emerged into a familiar-looking entrance.

"This is where we just left!" Harry moaned. "This is such a stupid idea..."

"Getting tired?"

Again, all four looked up to see Ariadne's grinning face.

"Haven't you died yet?" Jack said grumpily.

"Touchy," said Ariadne. "No, I haven't. But you lot are very interesting to watch."

Will rolled his eyes. "Then can we come out?!"

"No!" Ariadne exclaimed. "That would just ruin the fun. But I've decided to make things a little more interesting."

"How?" Sonea asked wearily.

"Well," Ariadne said, clapping her hands together. "How would you like to see some of your friends?"

Will looked interested. "You mean that...we could bring someone from our lives here?"

"Yep," Ariadne answered. "I'm going to choose, though. Hmm...you two, the pirates. What's that woman's name? The one that you were going to marry?"

"Elizabeth!" Jack said cheerfully. Will glared at him.

"You weren't supposed to give her name," he hissed. "Now she's in danger too."

Jack shrugged. "So?"

"This'll be fun," Ariadne said. "You two are already fighting over her. Well, I guess that's it. I've already chosen for the rest of you. Bye."

Her face disappeared from the grille above.

"Elizabeth here. That's all we need," Will said.

Sonea looked confused. "Won't you be glad of her company? You do love her, don't you?"

"It's not that I don't want her," Will said. "I don't trust him with her!" He pointed at Jack, who smiled innocently.

"Who, little old me?"

Sonea gave Will a knowing look. "I'm not surprised," she said.

Jack pouted. "Everyone says that," he muttered.


	5. Elizabeth

**CHAPTER 5**

Elizabeth Swann was not happy.

Not only was it a few hours before her wedding, with no word from Will at all, but she was also unhappy about her dress. It was too tight around the waist, and she had a feeling that what had happened before when she wore a too-tight dress might well happen again.

However, that was the least of her worries when a sharp tugging sensation suddenly made her double over.

"Miss Swann? Are you alright?"

Elizabeth stood up, waving a hand at the maids. "Yes, yes...I'm fine, yes..."

And that was exactly when she vanished in front of their eyes.

* * *

"Are you OK?"

Elizabeth opened her eyes to see a young girl, no older than fourteen, with flaming red hair.

"What...where am I?"

"Boy, that could take a while," a tall boy said. "Long story."

"Tell me, do you know...a woman named Sonea?" the girl said.

Elizabeth shook her head.

"A man named...oh, what was it?"

"Jack something," the boy said. "Medium sized, lots of eyeliner, always drinking?"

Elizabeth felt her heart sink. "Jack Sparrow? But...he's dead!"

"That's the one! And no, he's not," the girl said. "And the other one, Will Turner, I think it was."

"Will's here?" she said, standing up. "Where is he?"

"Well, that's the problem," said the boy. "We split up. I'm Eragon."

"Ginny," said the girl.

For the first time, Elizabeth noticed the huge blue dragon.

"Oh, and this is Saphira," said Eragon.

"This is odd," Ginny said. "You shouldn't be here."

Elizabeth looked confused. "Where is here?"

"Well, some kid called Ariadne has decided to pull a lot of us together and stick us in a maze with a very hungry beast thing," Eragon said.

"I think it's behind you," Elizabeth whispered.

Eragon turned. "No, that's my dragon."

"This is a dream," Elizabeth said. "This has to be a dream."

Ginny shrugged. "Unfortunately not. Sorry."

"So how do we get out?" Elizabeth said. "I'm supposed to be getting married in two hours!"

Eragon pulled a face. "Not going to happen."

* * *

Meanwhile, Sonea and Harry were on the verge of killing themselves.

"What do you mean, you're completely innocent?" yelled Will. "Of course Elizabeth didn't make a move on you, you were the one who was kissing her!"

"I was not!" Jack said. "She came onto me. Sorry, dear William, but I think your days with her are up."

"ENOUGH!" yelled Sonea. "This woman seems to have issues, OK? I mean, she's choosing between you," she pointed to Will, "Some over-possesive guy who doesn't even seem to talk to her about something that's obviously bothering you, and you," she pointed to Jack, "I mean, the smell speaks for itself!"

Jack looked offended. "I do not smell."

Harry snorted. "Neither does the dragon."

"Shut it," Jack snapped at him. "You're rubbish."

"So are you," Harry snapped back.

"STOP IT!" yelled Sonea. "YOU'RE ALL CRAZY!!!"

Jack stormed off. Everyone else shut up.

"Any more noise, and you're all dead, understand!?" she said.

"WILL!"

Ginny raised her eyebrows. "It's not going to work."

A faint sound of a woman yelling came from one of the tunnels leading off the clearing where they were now standing.

"Or maybe it will," Eragon said, heading towards the noise.

* * *

Jack, meanwhile, was in a bit of trouble.

"Err...nice beastie?" he said, backing away from the approaching Minotaur. Which didn't do anything. Therefore, Jack resorted to simply yelling and running, flailing his arms, the Minotaur close on his heels.

"AARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Eragon was knocked out of the way as Jack barrelled past and dove into one of the other tunnels, a hairy and ugly-looking beast close behind him, roaring. The two disappeared.

"Interesting," Ginny said.

"Was that Jack Sparrow?" Elizabeth said, sounding a little amazed.

"Yep," Eragon said, pulling himself up. "The one and only. Plus the big hairy beast thing."

"This is the strangest day ever," Elizabeth said.

* * *

Not the best I've written, I know...it's getting very confusing... 


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